Sunshine pouring through my windows, soaking up the warmth of the moment. Looking up into the sky, not a cloud in sight. Melodies drifting in from the happy birds playing outside...what peace, what calm, what a difference from the unexplainable turmoil inside....a window to the inside is opening......"I dont understand these crashing waves of emotions. I have returned to You again and again asking, seeking, struggling, wrestling with my thoughts, Your thoughts, my will, Your will. Relentlessly I have sought Your will and listend to Your voice or at least tried to listen...sometimes its oh so faint in the mist of my storming thoughts. Day after day i have pounded your ear with my questions. What do you want from me? What is your will? This restlessnes bubbling inside does not make sense. Am I not called to this? Am I not loving people? Am I not making an impact?"
a quiet voice whispers...."yes,... you are called, through you people have felt my love..with these answers, do you think you are making an impact?"
"Ok, so why are you calling me back? why is the desire to return to El Salvador gone? Logic speaks, my own thoughts scream, my understanding justifies me returning to ES...with everything i am doing, for the people..i should return...-should-...how many times do i do things cuz i should, yet it goes no deeper than... -should-...i could return, but there would be a problem, my heart wouldn't be there...it would be for people (a good reason) but not good enough. Ok I surrender, reasoning has been defeated by Your will now becoming my will"
I sought, You answered~ I doubted, Paciently You waited ~ I let go and trusted, You filled me with PEACE.
.....the window to the inside is closing....
This has been a glimpse of my last month in El Salvador. It was an amazing last few months with the people. Precious moments with the children, drawing nearer to the young girls and much unifying with the youth. Yes all the reasons were good for me to return to El Salvador, like i had been planning, but something wasn't right inside. There was no peace. On Jan 1 God gave me a word that I was to move on to a different city. At that time, i doubted and questioned for it didn't make sense to me. I finally gave up and let go. Unspeakable peace and joy have filled my heart since that moment...a moment of TRUST...at that moment i did not know what city, but I could care less cuz, like Abraham, i knew God would guide me step by step.
I am still taking it a step at a time. I love it!!! God is taking care of me, He is the one making plans, not me :)
So far, my steps have led me back to Portland, Oregon where I will be joyously loving people as God leads me in what He wants me to do!!!
Thank you each and every one of you for your constant prayers...they made an IMPACT!!
I will continue to blog as I love to write and God is moving everywhere on this Earth...I am a missionary anywhere and everywhere! Feel free to continue following this journey in the mist of your own exciting journey!
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